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As everyone has noticed recently, everyone is sponsoring everyone around here in the Dota 2 world. Raid Call Sponsored the N.A. Ladder League. Razer just announced their sponsorship of Evil Geniuses. And just a few days ago, we learned of Singsing’s new team sponsored by QPad, the QPad Dragons.
The sponsorship deal is pretty amazing. Not only are QPad giving money to the team, but they’re also funding the entire team to move in together in Sweden… Switzerland? Where the fuck is GD Studios based out of? You know what, it doesn’t matter. It starts with an S, trust me on that. …Maybe its Myanmar. No, it’s definitely a country that starts with an S.
Anyhoo, obviously when I heard about this I was completely excited. Finally, I could again use a pennant for a team that Singsing was a part of. I figured we’d see a Dragon courier in game as well. I had no idea, though, that they had branched out to the world outside of Dota 2. I opened my front door this morning to conduct my morning ritual of screaming at a fire hydrant for 5 minutes (no one bothers you if they think you are fucking insane), and found a UPS box on my front porch addressed to me. Imagine my surprise when I opened it and saw this.
I totally took that picture. I think it’s really good. I’m available for all occasions. Parties. Weddings. Divorces. Whatever you want. Seriously, I’m in a bad spot and could really use the money.
I gotta give it to James “2GD” Harding and crew, this is a fucking next level genius collaboration. I’m not quite sure how it ties into Dota, but I really don’t care. I immediately opened the box, and after a smooth 48 minute install, I was ready to try it out. I wanted to start off with something easy.
Okay. So, that worked. That’s easy 1st grade shit. I decided to try something a little longer. I had said, “I really love to play Dota 2.” It must have a problem with my articulation or something, though.
Althought I can most definitely agree with that sentiment on some days (if we’re talking about Dota 2), that’s… not what I had said. Since this was my second line, I gave it the benefit of the doubt. I figured I’d give it something a little more profound. Maybe that would unlock it’s inner A.I. and I could then talk to my PC. And have a true friend that won’t judge me. I’M SO DAMNED LONELY. I said, “Sometimes, I wake up in the middle of the night. And I can’t help but wonder, if I had just gotten there a few moments sooner… they’d still be alive.”
You know what? Kiss off. SHE WAS A SNOWFLAKE. I don’t care if she had 4 teeth and was addicted to Bloomin Onion covered in green curry. Her soul was pure.
Sorry about that.. lets give this another go. “How much wood could a wood chuck chuck.”
So, at this point I’m feeling undecided on this software. On one hand, it’s completely wrong. On the other hand, it’s like having Singsing in my computer. I gave it one more go, though. “I love you.”
You may be wondering why there is a picture of a cute, fuzzy bunny on the screen. Simple answer. Instead of the words “I love you.” being typed on my screen, somehow the software inserted a picture of a giant dick into my word document, with the words “You love this, mother fucker.” Since pictures of that nature are not allowed on the site (Unless it’s Greg’s wang, then it’s fine he tells me), you instead get a picture of a bunny. If you squint your eyes though, it’s pretty close to the original picture. My score? 10/10 would buy again. GD Studios just made the easiest $240 of their left testicles.
Addendum: Browsing Reddit I saw a post they may change their names to The QPad Red Pandas. This guy here? He shit bricks. TIME TO POST THIS BEFORE IT IS NO LONGER RELEVANT.
PS – This is a satire. Please no one sue us.